Local Man Dances Thin Line Between Sadism and Sociopathy After Winning Gold Fish at Carnival

Last seen in public furiously shaking a child, Jared Thompson has been having some struggles lately.

Ever since he won a small goldfish at one of the many Monroe County Carnivals, he has been feeling worse and worse about his state of mind. Says Jared, “It’s just like I don’t feel anything any more unless it is pain towards others. It started with shaking the bag that the fish was in, which I expected would cause it to die. But it didn’t.”

Jared has had the fish for 18 years now, each year he says brings “only more emptiness”

“Listen, it’s not like a problem…yet. I just- unless it is immediate and sudden pain, physical or emotional, to those that I deem deserving, I just don’t feel much of anything.” He says, casually putting a cigarette out on a dog.

He has tried everything to cause pain to this goldfish, to no avail.

“Im starting to think that it’s like A Picture of Dorian Grey, except instead of becoming ageless, I’ve lost all of my humanity” Jared whispers gently to the reporter he has tied up and dangled from the top of a building, “If i can kill it eventually i might feel again, but for now I think its just a matter of time before it dies naturally”

As for now, our reporter is still dangling from the rooftop, and Jared is now wanted for arson related sexual crimes.


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