We Destroyed One Wegmans and Two More Grew Overnight

Henrietta, NY- What started last night as routine construction has quickly turned into something out of an alien invasion film, as more and more Wegmans shopping centers are popping up in strip malls and inside of other stores themselves.

“We were tearing down a main wall to do renovations” Said Harriet Clery, foreman on the construction team, “But when we finished our break there was another Wegmans right where the wall was, just jutting out from the original Wegmans”

Soon, Clery’s team found themselves trapped in a never-ending labyrinth of Wegmans shopping centers, each turn bringing them to another produce section, bakery, or craft beer isle. The incandescent letters of the welcome sign both their only light, and a visage that haunted their every move.

“Maybe we had never even entered the Wegmans” Harriet muses, both her crew and our reporting team trapped within the seemingly endless eons of isles, burning some decorative wreaths for warmth, “Maybe we were all here from the beginning. Maybe it’s the outside world that is a labyrinth, with its hustle and bustle, social niceties, and non-local shopping centers. We were born in the womb of Wegmans, and here we will die.”

Some of the construction crew has started to make effigies of John and Walter Wegman, staring dead eyed into the ever expanding super market. We know we will never escape. We don’t want to escape. Wegmans loves us, and we love it.

“Wegmans is Warmth, Wegmans is Light, Wegmans Supports, Wegmans Provides” We all chant in a low whisper. Our mother can hear us. Thats all who needs to hear us. We love you, Wegmans.

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