Yoga Instructor Can’t Believe How Full Of Shit She Is

Rochester, NY- It’s 6:30 Am and the room is completely quiet. Lindsey Salinger paves the way for the beginning of  yoga class, The sound of silence fills the air, “Namaste, peace be unto you. You are a tree floating in the ocean, completely still and one with the world and one with yourself. “The class is full of the young and old hoping to forget their daily struggles and just connect with the inner zen or whatever shit they believe.” Lindsey says.

Lindsey has been making a living as a yoga instructor for 8 years and she is shocked at how successful its become. “I  was just hanging out at Cobbs hill doing some stretches before a run and these ladies approached me and asked me if I was doing yoga and I just said yes! It kind of just went from there, I looked up some YouTube videos and every time I kept going to Cobbs hill, more people kept showing up and following me, especially men!”

“I went from humble beginnings in a park to owning my very own studio!, these people will literally buy anything I say because I’m fit and post pictures on Instagram of me posing in front of some hollowed out birch tree or some shit, while talking about kombucha or something.”

When we asked her if she has any other dreams or ambitions she would like to pursue in the future, she responded with ” I really think I would like to get into mechanical engineering, I mean honestly I feel like I can pretty much do whatever the fuck I want now, I have people paying me a $1,000 per yoga session and now I hear something called Rei Kei is becoming big? You literally just stand over someone and wave your hands over their body and say some Indian shit or whatever. The world is my fucking oyster.”

Lindsey then jumped into her pool full of 100 dollar bills and sank to the bottom, in a sight that can only be described as pure bliss.

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Author: Colonmichael2020

Writer, comedian, barista and someone who takes time out his day to bring you things I find important. BE GONE FROM MY PRESENCE!

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