- You Donate Blood — One donation of blood saves three people, that’s amazing. That’s three times the amount of people you killed with your careless use of those fireworks.
- You Volunteer — You ring the bell for the Salvation Army every holiday season. Every holiday season you think about why you had to aim those bottle rockets at the window of the room your grandpa was taking a nap.
- You Have Two Beautiful Children — They rely on you for unconditional love which you provide in great supply. Hopefully they don’t have any catastrophic accidents befall them and haunt them into adulthood.
- You Apologized To God — You’re not even sure you believe in god but you just want it off your conscience at this point. It’s not like you wanted your grandpa to die from excessive smoke inhalation and 2nd degree burns. You were a dumb kid. Dumb kids make mistakes. Yours just resulted in the death of a relative.
- You Sought The Proper Psychiatric Help — Dr Morrison says you need to forgive yourself in order to move on but how could he ever understand? He didn’t have to deal with the darkest day in your family’s history since great aunt Eleanor jumped off her balcony to her death.
- He Was Pretty Old Anyway — This part is a bit of rationalizing the situation but at least it wasn’t dad or mom. It was grandpa and you loved him but…Jesus Christ what are you saying, you’re literally the worst grandson of all time.