Suicide Rate in Political Cartoonists Continues to Rise

Rochester, NY- Today, as with many other days in our fair city, we again find absent a clumsy statement on the political landscape in cartoon form. Instead of some gross generalization of our country by a cartoonist of a generation past, again we find a suicide note from yet another political cartoonist in the newspaper.

What started out as a shocking trend has now become a daily reality to most people. Day after day of this year, we’ve seen political cartoonist after political cartoonist paste a tear soaked apology, or a blood soaked tirade, right into The City Newspaper.

“Honestly, nobody gives a shit,” Says City Newspaper chief editor Ethan Bauchman, “Like the first few times we were like, ‘aw man thats pretty sad,’ but after a while we just kind of saw it as a plus.”

Due to this increased suicide rate, readership of newspapers have actually increased ten fold over the last 4 months. Trend analysts are speculating that this meteoric rise of newspaper readership is involved directly to people not having to see “shitty fucking idiot scribbles about Bernie or Trump in my goddamn paper, I want to fucking get to Heathcliff without a goddamn sermon.”

“We are trying to OPEN your EYES-” opens the most recent of many new suicide notes sent to the newspaper editorial staff, “Our humor is meant to incite something…to (bring about) a curiosity about the world we live in! we aren’t ‘reaching for low hanging fruit’ or ‘not being funny’…we are bringing politics and humor TOGETHER, but none of you are good enough to see th-”

After reading out loud the note to Inner Loop staff, the newspaper editor giggled, then crumpled up the note and threw it into a pile of others. Chucking to himself, “Honestly, this guy’s cartoons were actually pretty good. But they were also about Supply Side vs. Keynesian economic strategies in relation to poverty rates rising in urban areas since the Clinton administration. Nobody gives a fuck about that.”

 

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