5 Signs your Drug Dealer is Still in High School

Rochester, NY- We’re adults here. There is no need to be rude, to pass judgement, or to be anxious. You just gotta walk up to his 95′ Subaru Outback, knock on the window and give him this fistful of hamilton’s that have been burning a hole in your pocket for a week. It’s gonna help you relax, and your other dealer told you this guy was good until he re-ups.

Alright. Knock on the window. Hand him the sweaty money. Get bag. Hold on…Something isn’t right here…

  1. This is definitely Oregano in a bag- Like, Im 26, I can tell what is weed and what is oregano. This is fucking oregano. Who the fuck thinks they can get away with selling oregano?
  2. You definitely sold oregano when you were in high school- Everyone knew that one kid who would buy anything if you told him it would get him high. Johnny sold him some laundry lint and told him it was PCP, kid came in the next day saying he tripped for a week, everyone laughed; good joke on an idiot. But it takes balls to sell a sandwich bag of not-weed to an older guy.
  3. Shit, is it rude to check it in front of him?- I mean, he definitely wouldn’t sell to you again if you do that, and you have another week or so before you other guy  re-ups. Damn, I’m in a tight spot.
  4. Wait, what movie is that from?- Shit, its that Coen Brothers movie…which one was it. It had George Clooney and…John Turturro? Why the fuck can I remember him but not the name of the fuckin…it was like depression era? Oh! OH!
  5. “O Brother, Where Art Thou?”!- Ah Man! I love that movie! aww, I definitely got to get real weed and watch that movie again. Wait where did he go?

Fucking shit. Well, serves me right for buying 6 separate dime bags of weed on a Thursday afternoon in a high-school parking lot. Fucking teens.

Im gonna go huff spray paint in my garage and watch A Bugs Life, fuck it.

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