Rochester,NY- Today at exactly 12:35 pm, Josh Haines drove over to Glen Edith Coffee house and found a parking spot in the parking lot. We understand if you need to read this again, we know it’s very hard to believe. What was thought to be the unthinkable has actually happened. We have come to believe that this man has ties to the eternal hellfire being known as “Satan”. How else could he have found a parking spot in a parking lot that is known to the locals as “Why the hell does this place have only like six parking spots, they’re clearly a popular coffee shop and they need to expand and I fucking hate park avenues bullshit side street parking rules”. We have some accounts for eyewitness on the scene.
“I was walking past Glen Edith and I could not believe it, this guy just randomly pulls into the parking lot and BAM, he fucking parks?! Like are you serious? I come to this place all the time and not once can I found a spot and this asshole just randomly finds a spot! Finding a parking spot at Glen Edith is like going a day on Facebook without seeing Donald Trump! It’s impossible!”
Other eye witnesses have recounted a different story, Lauren Jones tells her story of this miracle man.
“I saw this guy in his car and right next to him in his passenger seat was Satan! I swear he was wearing a tight black hoodie and smoking an e-cig, I think I also saw him wearing some sort of fitted beanie. Satan really isn’t what I expected him to be, the only thing that gave him away was his giant horns, but besides that he kind of just looked like another douchebag hipster”
Was it Satan? Lord of the underworld, or just another dirty fucking hipster! Who knows! Our next story
“Will Joe Bean ever be confident enough to leave that dirty fucking warehouse they’re still in?”