Danny Wegmans Leaves Wife For 7″ Hot Ham, Capocollo, Salami Sub

“My ex wife may be upset but I never hid that this beauty was my real favorite” said the newly remarried Danny Wegmans.

The regional supermarket owner shocked Western New York this week by divorcing his wife for a cold sandwich made by one of the 16 year-olds who works at his store.

“Honestly, I’m liberal, and I really have no idea how to come down on this one” said Clark the Wegmans Sandwich Artist whom crafted Danny’s new wife. Adding that he felt uncomfortable when Danny told him to “hold the mayo because I will be adding my own!”
The Inner Loop had exclusive access to the marriage ceremony and this reporter can honestly say it was the most beautiful thing he has ever seen. I will never forget Danny’s vows when he said:

 

7″ Hot Ham, Capocollo, Salami Sub. My Darling. Many people say that you are nothing   more than a Seeded Roll made of Enriched Flour, Water, Yeast, containing 2% or less of:         Wheat Gluten, Whole Eggs, Salt, Vegetable Oil, Dextrose, Emulsifiers Malted Barley       Flour, Soy Flour, Corn Grits, Sugar, Citric Acid, and Sesame Seeds. With Hot Ham       coated with: Water, Paprika, Sugar, Spices, Spice and cured with: Water, Dextrose which  contains 2% or less of: Salt, Modified Cornstarch, Sugar, Sodium Phosphate and      Flavorings. Some people even say that you’re just Capocollo made of Boneless Pork         Shoulder Butt coated with Paprika and cured with Water, Salt, Sugar, Sodium           Phosphate, Spices, Sodium Erythorbate, Sodium Nitrite, and Natural Spice Extractives.             Other people say your Genoa Salami is nothing but Pork, Salt, Sugar, Wine, Spices, Flavorings, Sodium Erythorbate, Lactic Acid Starter            Culture, Sodium Nitrate, BHA, BHT,            CitricAcid. Hell they even say you have nothing going for you but your Tomatoes,    Provolone Cheese made of Pasteurized Milk, Cheese Culture, Enzymes, with Organic           Red and Green Leaf Lettuce and that you may contains Mayonnaise and Mustard. BUT             BABY THOSE ARE JUST YOUR INGREDIENTS! YOU ARE SO MUCH MORE TO ME!

 

No word from Danny’s now ex-wife but based on the settlement, The Inner Loop is predicting her “favorite sandwich” will be made of some serious bread. (Bread is slang for money which was used by rappers in the early 90s. We are not sure if this is still in the popular vernacular. We apologize if this offended anyone.)

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Author: Colonmichael2020

Writer, comedian, barista and someone who takes time out his day to bring you things I find important. BE GONE FROM MY PRESENCE!

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