Here’s the five news stories you missed while the media obsessed over Comey getting fired.

1. Huge voter turnouts for the 89th district’s new comptroller. People from all over the community came out in droves yesterday to participate in democracy. It was a beautiful sight, almost as beautiful as the play I put on that none of my friends came to see. I’m not mad and if anything it’s their loss. But nevertheless it was a wonderful day for the 89th district and I for one hope there is many more.

2. There were Oil spills from many pipelines last week, leaving many Americans concerned. Hmmm that’s interesting because I was concerned when it was 5 minutes to show time and the theatre space I’d rented was almost empty! Where are all my friends who said they’d be here? I asked myself. But was found to be let down once again, just like how America was let down by these spills.

3. Protest turned violent. The university of Berkeley, which is a hotspot for political unrest, Erupted in a violent clash between ideologies last week. Kind of like how my ideology of what makes a friend a friend clashed with the cold horror of nobody showing up to support my play last night. And it’s like, just tell me you’re not gonna go if you’re not gonna go. Like don’t lie to my face about it.

4. No! You know what I’m sick of being passive about this. You are all giant pieces of human trash! I’ve been talking about this play for weeks and have been writing it for YEARS! That’s it I’m doing it for real this time, I’m going to kill myself. I’m not bluffing this time. I might have been bluffing the other 16 times but no, I’ve had enough. And it’s all your fault! All of you!! I will be mentioning each one of you by name in my suicide note so the whole world knows what you did! I hope it haunts you forever and prevents you from sleeping at night you pieces of sub human garbage!!!!

5. The lilac festival is wrapping up and these local puppers couldn’t be happier 🙂

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Author: Colonmichael2020

Writer, comedian, barista and someone who takes time out his day to bring you things I find important. BE GONE FROM MY PRESENCE!

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