Suspicions confirmed: Commuter learns traffic has been fucking kidding him all along.

Rochester,NY- After years of suspicion, Rochester native Hugo Johnson finally learned that the traffic on 490 east had truly being fucking kidding him this whole time.

“I felt vindicated, to be quite honest.” Said Johnson as he weaved in and out of lanes in a fruitless attempt to move his car slightly closer to exit 19 in gridlocked traffic.

“I remember when I was a kid and I first took the highway, the traffic was awful and all I could think was….you’ve gotta be fucking kidding me?”

“To know that I was right all along almost makes it worth it.”

We had planned to interview Mr.Johnson longer but in the midst of our interview he exited his vehicle and started a physical altercation with a car behind him who had honked when he dangerously cut them off going 73 mph.

Breaking News! Judge Astocia Actually Hiding Inside Of Genesee Brewery Tanks All Along!

Rochester,NY-  The city of Rochester was thrown for a loop when it was just announced that Judge Astocia  has fled from Rochester to live in Thailand for the next three months. The Inner loop is glad to be the first to report that Judge Astocia is actually still in the city of Rochester! She has been hiding right under our nose this entire time! It was in fact a body double that we saw in those pictures in Thailand! The Inner Loop was able to gain an exclusive interview with Judge Astocia inside of her “Safe place” as she referred to it! This is what she had to say.

” I just couldn’t handle the pressure anymore, the double life. Living by day as a Judge, condemning people based on their actions and then being a reckless alcoholic by Day/evening/night. I knew that this lie was going on too long. So I finally decided to live where I’m most wanted. Inside an arid, dark tank filled with beer that is only above average. This is my new home and I hope the people of Rochester can forgive me for my crimes against them. I will still be collecting my full salary while inside of this tank, just so everyone knows I’m safe. I have just the grub-hub app downloaded on my phone and that should pretty much be all I need for the rest of my life.”

Breaking News! Judge Astocia Actually Hiding Inside Of Genesee Brewery Tanks All Along!

Rochester,NY-  The city of Rochester was thrown for a loop when it was just announced that Judge Astocia  has fled from Rochester to live in Thailand for the next three months. The Inner loop is glad to be the first to report that Judge Astocia is actually still in the city of Rochester! She has been hiding right under our nose this entire time! It was in fact a body double that we saw in those pictures in Thailand! The Inner Loop was able to gain an exclusive interview with Judge Astocia inside of her “Safe place” as she referred to it! This is what she had to say.

” I just couldn’t handle the pressure anymore, the double life. Living by day as a Judge, condemning people based on their actions and then being a reckless alcoholic by Day/evening/night. I knew that this lie was going on to long. So I finally decided to live where I’m most wanted. Inside an arid, dark tank filled with beer that is only above average. This is my new home and I hope the people of Rochester can forgive me for my crimes against them. I will still be collecting my full salary while inside of this tank, just so everyone knows I’m safe. I have just the grub-hub app downloaded on my phone and that should pretty much be all I need for the rest of my life.”