5 Residents Dead After Mistaking Food Truck Rodeo For Actual Rodeo

Rochester, NY-  Tragedy struck Wednesday as a group of residents mistook the Food Truck Rodeo for an actual rodeo.  Five have died, and dozens more were injured when several patrons began climbing the food trucks, attempting to lasso other visitors, and waving 10 gallon hats around.  Some residents even acted as rodeo clowns.  Luckily, those individuals were immediately struck and killed by the runaway trucks.

Aside from the clowns (who will not be named so as to spare their families from further embarrassment), two local artists were among the casualties:  Wren Staar and Felix Rolins.  The leader of their art collective, Onyx, was present at the scene and assured The Inner Loop that the two’s passing was incredibly peaceful.  “It just seemed so natural, you know?  So serene.”  recalled Onyx.  ”  I wish I could have been a part of it, actually.  Could you imagine going out like that?  It was seriously one of the best performance art pieces I’ve ever seen!”

A candle lit vigil will be held on Saturday in remembrance of all who were lost.  The Food Truck Rodeo will return to The Public Market as soon as all the blood has been entirely removed from the wheel wells of the vehicles.

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7 Summer Activities for Rochester Natives

As we all know, Rochester is an awesome little city with an ever-growing list of new and exciting things to do, see, eat, hear, and experience!  But if you’ve lived here for a long time, you may be getting tired of doing the same old same old; going to the same bars, museums, and venues over and over again.  That’s why we at The Inner Loop have compiled a list of 7 thrilling new activities to keep you entertained this summer in The Flower City!  So hold onto your long boards, jorts, and ironic tattoos and get ready for the best summer of your lives!

1.  Smoke a joint before you go out to brunch!

If there is anything you’ve learned about the bustling metropolis of Rochester, it’s that there is no shortage of restaurants serving brunch on the weekends.  But if you’ve been in town a while, you’ve likely been to all of the good ones more times than you can count.  And we know places like James Brown’s will be amazing no matter what, but why not spice it up by getting really fucking high in the parking lot before you head in!  It won’t make the food any better or worse, but it will make your 10 hour wait for a table that much more tolerable!

2.  Hit your friend Paul’s bong and go see a movie at The Little Theater!

The Little Theater is a staple in Rochester entertainment, showing indie and foreign films in a cozy community theater full of local art and music.  What better way to pay tribute to this iconic spot than to hit Paul’s bong and try to follow the plot of an Oscar-nominated French film!  If we’re being honest, you probably wouldn’t have understood the movie anyway.  The fact that you’re coughing, saying “what?”, and repeatedly asking if the movie is in French won’t be too wildly different from your sober experiences there, anyway.

3.  Roll a blunt and see a show at the planetarium!

We know, this one is a cliché!  People have been smoking blunts and going to the planetarium since Laser Floyd in the 80s.  But you just can’t beat this timeless stoner activity!  Head to the planetarium, light up a fat blunt, enjoy learning about the stars, and subsequently freak out about how big space is.  I mean, there’s gotta be aliens out there, right?  What if they were high now, too?  And talking about us?????  Omg this is too much.  I think I need to leave.

4.  Bring your bowl with you for a hike in Corbett’s Glen!

If the past few summers have been any indication, we can expect the upcoming months to bring in some blistering heat waves.  Corbett’s Glen is a crowd-favorite spot to beat the heat!  Follow the twists and turns of the stream and you’re likely to find a nice, secluded spot to sit in the water and smoke a bowl in nature, the way God intended!  It is this author’s opinion that the water feels much better when you’re a bowl and a half deep.

5.  Do a dab and check out Mt. Hope Cemetery!

A word of caution: this activity is not for the faint of heart.  Doing dabs and being in a cemetery can be frightening on their own, but combined these activities become downright terrifying.  This outing will prove to be a nonstop thrill ride that begins with you wondering if this is a good idea, and ends with you vomiting near Susan B. Anthony’s final resting place.  But the fun doesn’t have to stop there!  Why not head over to see Frederick Douglass’s grave and question your own reality!  The possibilities are endless!

6.  Eat a pot brownie and go to The Strong Museum of Play!

*Notice we said to eat an edible for this activity.  Since there will likely be children at The Strong Museum, it is very important that you do not smell like weed.*

This activity is perfect for those of us that long to let their inner child run free.  So buckle up, partner!  You’re about to get uncomfortably high and cry about how beautify the butterflies are, and oh my god!  One just landed on your arm!  It’s okay to cry, friend.  We’ve all been there.

7.  Go to Wegmans.

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