With summer in full swing, man looks forward to having seagull shit on his car every fucking day.

Rochester,NY- “Ah you smell that? Summers in the air!”

The smell Hank was talking of was crusted seagull shit, which he desperately tried to scrape off of his windshield after what appeared to be a Syrian drone strike like assault of white feces covered his 4 door sedan.

“Gotta love it!” he exclaimed gleefully as he got into his car and turned on his windshield wipers, which just spread the shit all over his windshield, achieving nothing.

Rochester Restaurants Change The Name Of Garbage Plates To Red Wings To Distance Themselves From Baseball Team

Rochester,NY- “The West Coast of New York” – If you haven’t learned about Rochester’s new amazing decision. The people in charge of making this decision, made this decision. To help promote the cities finest cuisine (albeit the best damn thing you could ever put in your mouth with your clothes on) the Rochester Red Wings will be changing their baseball team name to the Rochester Plates. At least have the pride to take ownership in the authentic rich heritage in calling the Garbage Plate a reduction of its identity.

Shocked by the decision to change this conglomerate of the sports industry into the heart and soul of your dear, (albeit, i’m defending the word ‘garbage’) town. WE ARE GARBAGE AND WE ARE PROUD. In solidarity, Restaurants all across the city will be changing the title ‘Garbage Plates’ on all of their menus into ‘Rochester Red Wings” to both distance the brand from the team, and remind them that they are garbage simultaneously.

But real quick good game against Pawtucket. I don’t remember a lot of the game but at least I can look forward to barfing on a Garbage Plate both literally and on the embroidery of the shirt I wish I wasn’t going to buy but am still glad I did.

 

Brendan Vize is a one time contributor to “The Inner Loop” blog and we will be replacing him as soon as humanly possibly.