Park Avenue Festival Almost Invaded By Puertorican Festival Or By Minorities In General!

Rochester, NY-  The Park Avenue festival is a thing of beauty! It’s a time where we can all reflect and watch as a rather normal group of human beings completely devolve into nothing but sacks of flesh meat that only crave beer and pussy. As the park avenue festival delved later into the night the parties began to rise. One thing is for sure, the park ave festival knows how to keep things nice and white! Yet, that was almost interrupted by the ever evolving Puertorican festival! We had our people on the scene to see how the two worlds almost collided! We spoke with David Lyndon to get the full story!

” It was a real scary scene, me and my boys were just on our third beer pong game because that slut Stacy broke our homemade corn hole set after two gin and tonics, it’s alright though my boy Tom smashed that shit awhile back. Anyways, I was about to head into the house and then I saw this car go by and at first I for sure thought it was the american flag, but then I realized the american flag has more than one star! It was the puertorican flag! I mean what were they doing our neighborhood! Havent they ever seen West side story or world war 2 pictures? They were asking for trouble! Luckily, they ended up turning around because some local cops starting shooting at them, thank god for the police!”

David at that point took out a gun and started firing into the air screaming “Hail Donald trump, long live the never-ending reign of the white man.”  To get a different perspective on this scene, we spoke with Miguel Rodriguez a local puertorican resident to see how he felt about the park ave festival.

“Park ave festival? Is that when white people walk around and pretend there happy because they bought some over priced “hand-made” adventure time scarf?”

 Yup. That pretty much sums it up.

*Editors Note*

Miguel Rodriguez was quickly brought to justice by the RPD and three random black men and four random black women, all of them which we assure you, deserved to be shot and or arrested.

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Pokémon GO Player Finally Catches “Feelings” At Sea Breeze Pier

Rochester, NY-The Sea Breeze pier has been a hotbed of Pokémon GO activity since the game was released in July 2016.  Adults from all around Rochester camp out near the draw bridge to use their phone to catch a pocket monsters and distract them from their pending deaths.

 

Scott Tilthert of Irondequoit is one of Rochester’s top Pokémon GO players fighting for Team Valor. “I currently am the leader at more than 10 gyms in the Greater Rochester area” said Scott after nobody asked him any questions. “But the toughest challenge I have faced was here at the Sea Breeze pier battling for the heart of Misty.”

 

Misty is the nickname given to redheaded Websterian Clair Deloon, another frequenter of the pier. “I started playing ironically but then got hooked. Also, I know everywhere else I am maybe a 6 but around these Pokemon GO people I feel like a 10” said Clair. “I don’t think a lot of these guys have seen a boob.”

Scott admitted to falling in love with Clair at first sight, and Clair admitted to noticing Scott starring at her with his mouth open. “Honestly the only reason I started talking to him was because my phone battery was running low and he had like 18 portable chargers” said Clair.

“Just like any strong Pokémon it took several raspberries and patients to finally catch her” Scott told The inner loop. “After weeks of asking her if she wanted anything from Bill Grey’s, she finally gave in and asked for a cup of water. Finally, our first date!”
When we told this to Ms. Deloon she said: “Oh god. Did he tell you we’re going on a date? I was just trying to be polite. Great. I am going to have to quit this game now. This is exactly what happened at the Magic The Gathering Tournaments at Village Gate!”

Rochester Officials To Introduce A Year Round Cringe Festival

Rochester, NY-  As we all know, the infamous “Fringe Festival” is approaching. It is a time where the art scene slowly takes over the city of Rochester and we consider things like the silent disco to be art. When did putting on headphones and walking around like an idiot become art? I mean seriously, when It did it become cool for people to listen to Michael Jackson on one channel and Elton John on the next one! In honor of Fringe Festival, Rochester officials have announced that they will be introducing a year round Cringe Festival! Here at the Inner Loop we have been fortunate enough to announce a few of the events at the cringe festival!

 

  1. College Town “Ghost” Tour- The College town ghost tour will take 10-15 lucky people on a “spooky” tour of college town and check out all the abandoned buildings of once supposedly thriving  business’s!! Scary stuff! The tour will end with a five-minute moment of silence for every business that thought they would last.
  2. The Blindfolded Park ave-Monroe Ave 5k– Experience a 5k like you’ve never experienced before! During this 5k we will run through the beautiful streets of Park Avenue and right when were on the threshold of approaching Monroe Avenue we will throw on our city official blindfolds so we don’t have to experience the horror of poverty and homelessness!  A fun time for the whole family!
  3. The Inner Loop Charades– Now that the Inner loop has been filled with dirt, we can only imagine what the city is going to put in its place! Apartment Complexes? Pawn shops? Pawn shops in apartment complexes! Who knows! Come join this fun activity as we play a game of charades and act out what we think will fill the inner loop! We know its going to be great!
  4. The Cracked Pavement Money Grab– Take your chance in as we throw two pounds of locally sourced honey on you and throw you in a tube of dollar bills! Every single dollar that sticks to your body will be used to fund construction work for all the badly damaged roads! We aim to raise at least fifty dollars!

These are just some of the fun activities you can hope to see at this upcoming years Cringe Festival! We are so excited to see all of you out there this year! Also, don’t forget if you live in Rochester, the Cringe Festival is always around! It will never go away!

Park Avenue Festival Almost Invaded By Puertorican Festival Or By Minorities In General!

Rochester, NY-  The Park Avenue festival is a thing of beauty! It’s a time where we can all reflect and watch as a rather normal group of human beings completely devolve into nothing but sacks of flesh meat that only crave beer and pussy. As the park avenue festival delved later into the night the parties began to rise. One thing is for sure, the park ave festival knows how to keep things nice and white! Yet, that was almost interrupted by the ever evolving Puertorican festival! We had our people on the scene to see how the two worlds almost collided! We spoke with David Lyndon to get the full story!

” It was a real scary scene, me and my boys were just on our third beer pong game because that slut Stacy broke our homemade corn hole set after two gin and tonics, it’s alright though my boy Tom smashed that shit awhile back. Anyways, I was about to head into the house and then I saw this car go by and at first I for sure thought it was the american flag, but then I realized the american flag has more than one star! It was the puertorican flag! I mean what were they doing our neighborhood! Havent they ever seen West side story or world war 2 pictures? They were asking for trouble! Luckily, they ended up turning around because some local cops starting shooting at them, thank god for the police!”

David at that point took out a gun and started firing into the air screaming “Hail Donald trump, long live the never-ending reign of the white man.”  To get a different perspective on this scene, we spoke with Miguel Rodriguez a local puertorican resident to see how he felt about the park ave festival.

“Park ave festival? Is that when white people walk around and pretend there happy because they bought some over priced “hand-made” adventure time scarf?”

 Yup. That pretty much sums it up.

*Editors Note*

Miguel Rodriguez was quickly brought to justice by the RPD and three random black men and four random black women, all of them which we assure you, deserved to be shot and or arrested.

5 Reasons Team Valor Is Straight Trash

Rochester, NY-  PokemonGo has taken the world by its sweaty little hands and is refusing to let go! Once you reach level 5 in the game, you have a choice to make. Which team are you going to choose, Team Instinct? Team Mystic? Or Team Valor? The choice is easy. Team Mystic. Yet, some unfortunate few belive that Team Valor is the best team. We’re here to dispute that. Here are five reasons Team Valor is straight trash.

  1. Their logo is stolen from the hunger games– I mean have you seen it? Where is Katniss everdeen when you need her to send an arrow straight through the heart of the plagiarist who said that would be the logo for Team Valor. Be original Team Valor, if you’re going to be an awful team, at least be orginial.
  2. They’re the “Bros” of the Pokémon world- You know those guys who based their confidence on their beer pong skills? That’s Team Valor. These guys will spend all there stardust and candy on evolving their Pidgeot, which they aptly named “PussyPidegon”. No one likes this team.
  3. My Bitch Ex-Girlfriend is on that team- Does this even need explaining? Of course she would, the only thing keeping my ex from being a straight demon out of hell is the fact she didn’t have horns coming out of her skull. With enough time, I’m sure it would show.
  4. Donald Trump openly supports them- When he’s not busy hating on Islams and shouting racist slurs, he’s playing pokemonGo and battling gyms in the honor of Team Valor. The only Pokémon he uses are “Raticates” because it reminds him of his children.
  5. They steal from the homeless–  Homeless Joe? Yeah, he was robbed by a group of kids from Team Valor. Do you really need anymore reasons to understand this Team is consisted of the scum of the earth?

 

*Editors Note*

We also have word that Team Instinct is actually just a bunch of 7 year olds who stole their moms I-pad.

Local Man Steps Over Police Brutality Victim To Catch A Pikachu

Rochester, NY- The streets of east end were filled with the passionate protest of the “Black Lives Matter” movement. The protestors were there to make a point and to passionately express the injustice happening in our country. Yet, Alex Gibbons had other plans that day. Alex just recently downloaded the PokemonGO app that is sweeping the nation by storm. Alex just had one thing on his mind friday night. He had to catch a Pikachu or die trying. Alex had been told that there was a small possibility of catching the rare and mysterious Pikachu on east end, so with only 30% battery left and a PBR in one hand. He trekked down east ave and into the middle of the protest. We spoke with Alex to see how this story unfolds.

” The minute PokemonGO was released I knew the only thing that mattered was getting my very own Pikachu. For the most part all I had been catching all day was Pidgeys, my buddy texted me and asked me if I wanted to join him in the protest later that evening. I said no way because I don’t like to get involved in things that would make me seem like im a passionate or caring guy. Then I found out a Pikachu could be down there, I knew something had to be done. I had to be the one to catch it.”

Alex traveled into the very heart of the protest, completely unfazed by the movement happening around him.

“I knew I couldn’t let them affect my mission. I understand horrible crimes are happening around the country, but do those people understand this has been my dream since I was eleven years old? To actually kind of own my very own Pikachu on cellphone? People getting shot is bad, no doubt, but I can’t let anything stop me.”

As the night continued the police arrived and that’s when things got dangerous, the Rochester police department started arresting the protestors.

“I knew this was the perfect moment to go in, I saw that Pikachu was only two paw steps away from my location, I just had to time it right. And that’s when it happened, I saw this police officer start to attack a completely innocent protestor and I leaped over her to grab Pikachu, it took me a couple of tries, but I got her!”

Alex walked away from the streets completely unscathed and it having nothing to do with being white and not caring about other people.

*Editors Note*

Here at the InnerLoop we are all on team Mystic and believe anyone else on any other team deserves to die a very painful death.

#LOVEFORALL

Local Man Steps Over Police Brutality Victim To Catch A Pikachu

Rochester, NY- The streets of east end were filled with the passionate protest of the “Black Lives Matter” movement. The protestors were there to make a point and to passionately express the injustice happening in our country. Yet, Alex Gibbons had other plans that day. Alex just recently downloaded the PokemonGO app that is sweeping the nation by storm. Alex just had one thing on his mind friday night. He had to catch a Pikachu or die trying. Alex had been told that there was a small possibility of catching the rare and mysterious Pikachu on east end, so with only 30% battery left and a PBR in one hand. He trekked down east ave and into the middle of the protest. We spoke with Alex to see how this story unfolds.

” The minute PokemonGO was released I knew the only thing that mattered was getting my very own Pikachu. For the most part all I had been catching all day was Pidgeys, my buddy texted me and asked me if I wanted to join him in the protest later that evening. I said no way because I don’t like to get involved in things that would make me seem like im a passionate or caring guy. Then I found out a Pikachu could be down there, I knew something had to be done. I had to be the one to catch it.”

Alex traveled into the very heart of the protest, completely unfazed by the movement happening around him.

“I knew I couldn’t let them affect my mission. I understand horrible crimes are happening around the country, but do those people understand this has been my dream since I was eleven years old? To actually kind of own my very own Pikachu on cellphone? People getting shot is bad, no doubt, but I can’t let anything stop me.”

As the night continued the police arrived and that’s when things got dangerous, the Rochester police department started arresting the protestors.

“I knew this was the perfect moment to go in, I saw that Pikachu was only two paw steps away from my location, I just had to time it right. And that’s when it happened, I saw this police officer start to attack a completely innocent protestor and I leaped over her to grab Pikachu, it took me a couple of tries, but I got her!”

Alex walked away from the streets completely unscathed and it having nothing to do with being white and not caring about other people.

*Editors Note*

Here at the InnerLoop we are all on team Mystic and believe anyone else on any other team deserves to die a very painful death.

#LOVEFORALL